Archive for May, 2009

STAYING PRESENT IN THE MOMENT

Monday, May 25th, 2009

By Sheri McGregor

Do you ever find yourself rushing your child? With so much to do, it’s easy to fall into the trap of mentally progressing forward to the next activity before it actually arrives. clockimages

When we’re moving through the morning routines, getting a child ready for preschool, are we thinking ahead to all we need to fit into this day? If our child goes two or three days a week, and you utilize those days to get most of your work and business promotion done, you may find yourself thinking ahead. Children recognize this lack of presence. They may dawdle, refuse to brush their teeth, or take forever to eat their breakfast on those mornings, all because they love you and want your full attention. This can cause frustration and a potential power struggle–which results in poor time management.

If you recognize this scenario, forgive yourself and your child. Seek solutions. Children know when we’re not really in the moment. They can sense when we’re preoccupied with our plans for after they go to school or daycare. Perhaps on some level the child feels unwanted.

BE IN THE MOMENT

Instead of rushing or thinking ahead, be fully in the moment. When we are truly present, we might make up a funny song about teeth brushing, and brush our teeth at the mirror with our child. Staying in the present with our children helps them do a good job, which makes for good time management for us. Besides, staying in the present makes the getting ready to go time fun, and infuses the moments together before your child leaves with love and bonding.

How can you be fully in the present with your child during the morning routine? Try infusing frustrating “hurry” moments with presence, and your child will likely respond positively. Get creative, and have fun.

RE-THINK YOUR TIME

You may feel using every moment is good time management, but if doing so cuts inefficiently into your together time with your children, then rethink your time. If you schedule meetings, tasks or phone calls immediately following your child’s drop off at preschool, you may need to rethink the pressure so you can spend a few preparation minutes once you’re alone—not while you are trying to get your child ready. Multi-tasking works for a few things, but for the most part, trying to be in one place while thinking about what’s next only fragments your focus. Accept this then give your all when the time is right. Once you drop your child off, then you can switch into your work and business mode, knowing that you’ve made the most of your time together. These positive feelings allow you to fully focus on what’s at hand, without the ever familiar mommy guilt. Better focus translates to more efficiency, which saves rather than costs you time.

For a fr^ee report on the common time waster that erodes confidence and derails success subscribe to the Balance And Joy E-zine. In each issue, San Diego life coach Sheri McGregor offers tips for time-management and goals success, while helping you remain centered and joyful. Book a complimentary 30-minute discovery session—you’ll clarify goals, uncover challenges that sabotage your success, plus feel renewed, reenergized, and inspired to take action

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Nurturing

Sunday, May 10th, 2009

Orchids
Happy Mothers Day! My mom has been gone for 16 years. My mother-in-law is also no longer here with us (those are blooms from the orchid plants she once nurtured and I inherited–you might recognize them from my balance and joy blog.)

I am thankful for the time these wonderful women were here and am also grateful for the other women who “mother” me in their own ways.

The concept of nurturing is a lovely one. Performed from a place of love and trust, free from expectations, joy returns to us ten and twenty fold. We nurture our gardens, our family, our friends, our homes, our attitudes. Sometimes, returns are immediate–other times not so. But all nurturing counts.

On Mother’s Day, we could easily fall into the trap of expecting much, and perhaps setting ourselves up for disappointment. Good mothers and “motherly” women all deserve breakfast in bed, the house cleaned, massages, and bubble baths,  and presents galore … but our Mother’s Days may not all fit the Hallmark card mold.

Whether they do or don’t … the joy and goodness of nurturing remains.

In honor of Mother’s Day, and just for fun, will you join me in an experiment? For the rest of May, in full awareness and intent, let’s nurture every situation, person, and place we meet–and that includes the person who greets us in the mirror!

Maybe we use funny faces to distract a crying child in the supermarket line so a stressed mother can complete her order and pay–her thankful smile and our joy in giving is reward.

Maybe we talk sweetly to a barking dog behind a fence on our morning walk–and he quiets long enough to listen. We can imagine a tired neighbor drifting back to sleep. . . .

Helping a wayward ladybug off the car window may save someone’s precious plants from invading aphids. Our nurturing spreads outward in countless blessings.

Nurturing comes in many forms. See what you can creatively view as nurturing. It feels good.

Enjoy, and be well. Wishing you much abundance, love, and happiness.

Sheri McGregor

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Time Management for Moms: Interruptions

Saturday, May 9th, 2009

One of the biggest issues for self-employed and work-at-home moms is interruptions. To get things done, avoid the true time wasters: social phone calls, telemarketers, and in-person impromptu visits. Bolt the door and leave the answering machine on. Caller I.D. allows you to monitor, in case it’s the children’s school with an emergency. Schedule a time to phone back important callers at a time when you can best serve them with your full attention.

What about when your child comes to you with a need? Whether to postpone or allow the interruption isn’t always cut and dried.

First off, let’s use age and ability to measure need. With a three-year-old in your care, you’ll have to plan on some interruptions. But even with very young children, you can begin to sow seeds that your work is important. You may hesitate to put off your child’s needs, but if you stop for every whim or fancy, you enforce a message that interruptions are always okay. Strike a happy medium that values your child, and yourself.

Encourage young children to play quietly within view of your workspace, while you put on headphones and work at the computer. Instead of putting off a need with, “In a minute,” which invariably leads to ten and twenty, thus teaching nothing about the concept of time, use phrases your children can understand. The length of a favorite television show is within a child’s grasp.

“I’ll help you in about as long as one Spong Bob show,” you might say. Pick something reasonable. Disney’s Madagascar movie might be longer than a child can wait. The idea is to arrange for short intervals of focused work.

As children grow older, their attention spans also stretch. If you’ve trained them from the toddler years that Mommy’s work is important, they will begin to respect boundaries. And you’ll have trained yourself to get right to work and use your time wisely. Setting a timer and working tornado style for short intervals is a longstanding time management tool. Using the space of a Sponge Bob episode is a variation for moms.

What about older children? As a mother of five who has worked at home for all of my parenting years, I can tell you that your children don’t need you any less. The needs change, but the amount doesn’t. I’ve learned to fit my work in around the family schedule, which means I’m often at the computer late at night. It’s what works for me—you’ll find your own pattern. My sixteen year old approached me just last night with two permission slips for high school field trips. They didn’t need just a signature. That would have been easy. These forms asked for my health insurance provider name and group number, something I didn’t have on hand. Instead of dropping everything for this necessary interruption, I did what I’ve been doing since my kids were young: putting them off. “Leave these here and I’ll do them in the morning,” I said. The trick is to follow through. Digging out that number was number one on my to-do list this morning. And because this has become a pattern, my daughter knew it would get done. I was able to continue my work last evening, and she gets what she needs. Everybody wins.

Seemingly less urgent needs might be when my young adult daughter who lives at home, works, and attends a nearby university comes and sits in my office arm chair while I work. This is a signal she needs my time, so I might ask her if she’d like to take my break with me in half an hour. Whether spur-of-the moment or events planned more in advance, appointments solve untimely interruptions, and allow you to connect. With my teen and young adult sons, I schedule occasional food dates.

From my experience as a home-based entrepreneur and mom, setting boundaries for respect teaches:

  • you to make better use of focused time
  • your children to respect your work
  • allows everybody to feel important

Most home-based business moms choose to work from home to spend time with their kids. Especially when you’re busiest, don’t forget to schedule mom and child time—and completely remove your work hat for the kind of bonding that creates lifelong happy memories.

**

For a fr^ee report on the common time waster that erodes confidence and derails success subscribe to the Balance And Joy E-zine. In each issue, San Diego life coach Sheri McGregor offers tips for time-management and goals success, while helping you remain centered and joyful. Book a complimentary 30-minute discovery session—you’ll clarify goals, uncover challenges that sabotage your success, plus feel renewed, reenergized, and inspired to take action

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Steps Along the Way

Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

by Sheri McGregor

Did somebody say “race”? On the foggy morning of the 8K Race For Literacy, the word finally popped out at me. This really was a race. They offered prizes and would publicize participant’s finish times. Until that moment, I’d thought of this as a morning of exercise and camaraderie for charity–and for fun.

The starting bell rang. Serious racers sprinted ahead, and as I moved forward among the clumped huddle of walkers, I began to feel trapped. If this was a race, why couldn’t I get ahead of these slow starters? A competitive spirit soaring into bloom, I dodged and darted, trying to move through the sea of people at a quicker pace.

As I rounded the bend near the park’s central statue with my friends, a lady pushing a stroller with a gurgling baby turned and smiled. Holding up a camera, she asked, “You’re not in that big a hurry, are you?”

I shook my head, automatically obliging–how could I say no to a smiling young mother? Then the camera jammed . . . and as I fiddled with the equipment, my companions rounded the bend and disappeared among the sea of walkers.

Several minutes later, photo mission complete, the woman thanked me, and I sprinted forward onto the Laurel Street Bridge. From the high bridge perspective, runners way, way ahead looked like grasshoppers on the closed-to-cars highway below. I’d be there soon, walking the same highway they ran, and looking like a grasshopper to the stragglers left on the bridge above.

Realizing just how far back I’d become, I settled into a comfortable pace, forgetting the race part of the event. Those running ahead may make the finish line first, but they were missing the good conversation of a friendlier clip.

I inhaled deeply of the scents of rosemary and sage wafting out from the herb garden, witnessed the sun’s first golden rays peeking through the cloud cover. The sunlight sparked rainbows in the dewdrops, made them shine like faceted diamonds lying like spilled pirate’s booty in the early morning grass. Around me, bits of others’ conversations pricked at my ears, the joyful laughter and enthusiasm of walkers enjoying each moment on the very path those fast moving racers trod only moments before. From a slower perspective, each instant passed with sights and sounds of its own. Each tiny step covered unique and interesting ground along the way.

Up onto Sixth Street, the low beat of blues music drifted on the air. I laughed at a dog on a leash who didn’t miss a single pole or fire hydrant on this joyful march for charity.

Around the corner, the freeway onramp came into view. And yes, once there we stopped for a photo. How many times do you WALK onto the Interstate? How many times do you trek along on foot, seeing the curious items tossed from cars and wondering silently about the people who’d tossed them? Curlers and award certificates. A bicycle wheel and a leather whip. What strange and interesting characters had set these items free? Released them as the car sped along so their “trash” flew on the wind? Tumbled along till it caught on a bush or rock, and now rested here like lonely hitchhikers without a thumb to ride?

Broken glass glittered, shards of brilliant, multi-colored light that marked the path, pointed to supposed nirvana at the end of the race. But the nirvana was here, I realized, here all along the path. The joy is in the doing.

In pursuing your dreams, are you still enjoying the journey? Or do you race along, tackling every task so quickly that you leave joy behind with the cheerful walkers the day of the race? Have you become so competitive that you rush past possible friendships and camaraderie to reach the pinnacle of success? Victory is empty without happy memories of the journey. Besides, once there, a new race begins.

On the day of that 8K, I went in with a predetermined goal: Have a little fun and participate for the benefit of adult literacy. Seeing the racers with their quick-paced aim at attaining the prize nearly knocked me off my personal path. Thank goodness that woman with the gurgling baby needed my help. She unknowingly steered me back to the moment, to the joy of the journey.

We may be on the same path, but each runs her own race. Some rush ahead to glorious finish lines we only dream about. Others lag behind, needing a leg-up along the way. Do you stop to help? Or are you so single minded in focus that envy, frustration or even conceit take over? Have you forgotten to enjoy each step, each person you meet along the way?

Celebrate each success, each failure. Then every step–or misstep–is a joyous victory in and of itself.


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by Sheri McGregor and may not be reproduced without express permission.

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Sunday, May 3rd, 2009

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